Elephants, Crocodiles and Snakes, OH MY!

13-15 May 2016

Girl gets picked up on the side of the road by three strangers. Girl and strangers drive together for hours. Girl and strangers arrive at destination in the middle of the night to find the entrance gate has been locked. Dun, Dun, Dun.
Sound like the opening scene of a horror film? Nah. Just the start to my weekend of trekking in Khao Yai National Park.

I figured I traveled halfway across the world without knowing anyone, what's a few hours in a car with a brand new co-worker, her husband and their roommate? Luckily for me the group I was about to spend my weekend with was all pretty chill and down to earth. They only joked about killing me and dumping my remains once or twice ;)

Friday night we stayed in one room cabin houses that surrounded an outdoor common area.

We spent just enough time in the commons for me to realize that there would be leeches on this trek (thus the advertisement promising leech socks to all participants) and that most of my trekking comrades would be donning pants in preparation. Say what? Pants? In 100 degree heat? In the jungle? What exactly are these so-called leeches that are causing human beings with sane minds to resort to insane measures, i.e. wearing pants in the middle of the asian jungle? I had to find out. A few clicks and a scroll or two later revealed my worst nightmare: not wearing pants in the 100 degree asian jungle was actually more insane than wearing pants because of the threat of these little creatures. Leeches are worm like mutants that puff up in size as they burrow into your skin and suck your blood. Don't try to pull them off because they may burrow deeper. Don't try to burn them because they may vomit the blood they've already sucked back into you and cause an infection. What? You're telling me it's not enough to worry about dengue fever, malaria and the zika virus, now I have to worry about leech vomit too? This was definitely not in the "Welcome to Thailand" guide. Thank you Google for putting my mind at ease.

Saturday morning started with some hail marys and an extra long look at my legs in the mirror (hey if they were going to get amputated because of a mutant insect, I may as well remember them fondly) But before I could admire myself from every angle, the gang and I were loaded in the back of a songthaew and driven into the mountains of Khao Yai. When we first arrived we were given leech socks (my excitement far outweighed that of any of the other trekkers) and a brief speech highlighting some of the animals native to the Khao Yai Jungle.

The views from the outskirts of the jungle were breathtaking.

Before trekking in we were able to see monkeys as well as many types of beautiful birds. Our trekking guide was amazing. He carried a telescope and could focus in on animals that were miles from us so that we could see them with perfect clarity. This is how we got to see many of the birds in their natural habitats.

After about an hour on the outskirts our guide brought us into the jungle. Upon entering we saw multiple snakes, all of which were very poisonous. Our guide assured us that the snake venom wouldn't kill us instantly so being inches away from the snake wasn't a real threat. Umm, yeah sure, let me just casually pretend snake venom is no big deal. I'll just store that knowledge right next to my newly learned facts about leech vomit.

After trekking for awhile longer we came across gibbons. Gibbons are like monkeys; they like to climb and swing from tree to tree but have no tails.

As we pressed on we encountered elephant dung. Lots and lots of elephant dung. Then we came to a clearing that revealed fallen and uprooted trees. Our guide informed us that the elephants must have been here; he could tell because of all of the downed trees. He told us that elephants become very territorial when traveling with their young and must have stampeded out of this area. Great. An elephant stampede. My travel companions axing me in the car may have been the way to go after all.

We traveled deeper and deeper, but still we did not see any elephants. Our guide informed us that we were about an hour behind schedule. He decided to make up the lag time by embarking on a casual jog through the densest part of the jungle. There was no path. There were no easy to navigate clearings. There was no stopping. There was just our trekking guide (who I now believe is half human half cheetah) and the neverending quest to exit the jungle. After about an hour of playing "are you in better shape than a jungle animal?" we finally reached a clearing that led to a savannah. There, on the other side of the tall grass was our songthaew. No, it wasn't some hallucination my mind had created because I was overheated. parched and shaky, it was actually there. The songthaew provided us with a much needed trekking break and dropped us at the Khao Yai Canteen. Here we gorged traditional thai dishes like hungry lions on a hunt. Nom. Nom. Nom.

After lunch our guide brought us to what he called a waterfall, but finding the water proved more challenging than where's waldo deluxe edition; we aptly renamed the location 'dryfall' and continued trekking across dry beds and embankments.

We finally came to a swamp (not exactly as picture-esque as a fall, but at least it had the whole water element) Our guide was hopeful that we would see a crocodile here. He was so determined that he took off on his own in search of one. His only instructions were "wait here... unless you see a bear... then run like hell". So there we were, sitting guideless, next to a swamp, in the middle of the jungle, in 100 degree heat, waiting for a poisonous snake, elephant stampede, hungry crocodile, angry bear or blood sucking leech. Remind me why I did this again?

Our guide returned slightly disgruntled by the fact that he hadn't seen a croc (his trekkers on the other hand were elated that he had reappeared all in one piece) However, by then it was getting late so we decided to start our jungle dissent. As we backtracked, there, in the swamp, we saw it. A crocodile! One of the other trekkers, Dave, was convinced the croc was a fake, planted in the water by our guide when he took off on his solitary chase, but I wasn't so sure. Where would our guide get a fake crocodile? Where would he stash said crocodile? In my mind, the list of questions went on and on. Dave's list on the other hand was much shorter. How did we settle this squabble you ask? By doing the only logical thing and throwing a stick at the croc to see if it moved. For the record, IT MOVED. A LOT. But guess who moved more? That Dave fellow was up and over the embankment halfway to the other end of the creek before the swamp ripples settled. Not a real crocodile my ass.

We thought we were done for the day but the excitement was only just beginning. After reaching the clearing I saw it. Right there. On my co-worker's leg. A blood sucking mutant insect. A leech! Ah! I couldn't have been more excited and unnerved at the same time. I wanted to smile and vomit. I wanted to shout and whisper. I fought the urge to stare creepily for minutes without disclosing what I knew and informed my co-worker of the varmint attached to her knee. Much to my horror, she pulled out a lighter and burned the little critter to a crisp. Didn't she know about the possibility of infection from heating the leech and activating its gag reflex? Ugh. When she didn't show up to school Monday, I'd know why.

After seeing a leech I thought I'd ticked everything off my jungle animal checklist, but nature had one more sight in store for us. In the distance, at one of the salt licks, was an elephant. The jungle guides create these sites called salt licks where they deposit minerals in the ground. The elephants are drawn to these sites and suck up the dirt in order to get the necessary nutrients. These licks are a great place to spot elephants, just don't get too close, because the rest of the herd is watching from close by. The herd feels threatened by humans and stampedes if it feels encroached upon. This was definitely not a scenario for the stick throwing test.

We ended the evening with takeaway pizzas, cheap beers, cards against humanity and a backyard fireshow. Not bad Khao Yai. Not bad at all.