live chickens, frog legs and fish, OH MY!

Thursday 7 July 2016

"Jaclyn, you cannot do to us what you did yesterday."
Ok, so maybe keeping my family moving from 10am-10pm on their second day in Bangkok was a bit much. I decided to scale it back for their third day.
We started off with a visit to the Khlong Toei Market, an outdoor market in the slums utilized almost exclusively by locals (tourists don't even know the place exists). Because Bangkok is such a big city- 8 million and counting- and there are so many expats, sometimes it's easy to forget that the city is actually located in SE Asia. The local culture of this market is a hearty reminder of just how "non-western" pockets of Bangkok really are. The ability to speak thai along with a strong gag reflex are absolute musts here; the stench is one of pig carcasses, live fish and chicken poop baking in the hot sun.

As we walked the banter between stall owners increased "farang, farang" (white man, white man). They had seen farang before, but this one was whiter than the rest. This one was so white he needed to be touched to determine whether or not he was actually a real human being. The vendors argued over who was going to do it, and finally, one stepped up to the plate. As we were walking, he reached out and grabbed Stew's arm, looking up at him with big wondering eyes. Yep. This farang was 100% real and they couldn't believe it. The market visit turned out to be just as shocking for the thais as it was for us.

After relaxing in the A/C, away from the market stench, we were ready to head back out for a western dinner at Hemingway's, the happy hour bar my colleagues and I have drinks at on Fridays. We then took a taxi to Rajadamnern Stadium for a muay thai fight. Established in 1945, it's the oldest stadium in Bangkok. We were able to watch over 9 matches all with fighters of different ages and weight classes. But the best part, by far, was drinking Chang beer through straws. Yuuuum.

The Never Ending Day

6th July 2016
Started with a great breakfast on our balcony overlooking Bangkok.

We had to set aside one day to do the "touristy" bits of Bangkok, which included visiting the Grand Palace and Reclining Buddha, both of which are incredibly important to thai heritage and culture. Getting to the Grand Palace is no easy task. We took the BTS skytrain to the river. Then we got on a riverboat ferry (don't buy tickets at the actual ticket window because they cost 150b, but rather walk around the window and buy them from the peddler on the pier for just 40b-- I think this would be Thailand's equivalent of "scalped tickets") After getting off the ferry, walk another 15 minutes or so to the Palace grounds. All the while, make sure not to get scammed by the tuk tuk drivers (they'll offer to take you to the Palace but bring you to a gem store and suit maker first) or the peddlers (they say the Palace is closed for this or that holiday but for a special fee they can get you inside). Keeping our heads down and our wits about us we followed the white walls around until we made it to the Palace entrance. Feeling incredibly proud of ourselves because we had not been duped, we started to head inside. Minutes later we were stopped by guards and told our clothing was not acceptable. This was impossible-- I had entered palaces and temples before. I wasn't a normal tourist. I lived here. I knew the rules. Our knees and shoulders had to be covered. Check. Check. No. This was the King's Grand Palace. Shoulders weren't good enough. Knees weren't good enough. Full legs had to be covered and shawls were unacceptable as arm coverings. Fail. Looking like total tourists, tails between our legs, we joined the obnoxiously long clothing rental line. Mom, Candace and I came out with oversized blouses while dad was wearing a pair of pants big enough to fit all four of us. Check out the photos below for the cutest all american family you've ever seen.

The ornate details and decor of the Palace and its grounds were beautiful, however wandering in the scalding heat in our borrowed clothing sans shoes was less than desireable. After spending less time than the King would have appreciated, we were ready to head out. However, we quickly found that the grounds layout designer must have been in cahoots with the IKEA layout designer- there weren't any exits, only paths leading through. We were going to have to walk all 2 million square feet of the grounds before bowing out. Touche King Rama IX, touche.
During a few million foot walk, you learn a thing or two. Here are a few of the things we learned about the Grand Palace:
 -official residence of the Kings of Siam (and now Thailand) since 1782
-the grounds are divided into many quarters, including: the temple of the emerald buddha, the outer court, the middle court, the inner court and the gardens
-the King, Rama IX, does not currently live in the palace, but official events are still held here

After finishing our 2 million square foot walk and returning our borrowed clothing, we were on to the next tourist attraction: Wat Pho, aka The Temple of the Reclining Buddha. Thank goodness for us, Buddha isn't nearly as strict as the King so we were allowed to enter the complex wearing our own clothing (minus our shoes of course!) The reclining buddha is fascinating because it's just that: over 150 feet of golden encased buddha in a reclining position. As you circle the buddha, you'll notice 108 bronze donation bowls, symbolic of the 108 positive actions that helped lead buddha to perfection. It's said that making the bowls ring (by adding money to them) brings one good luck and helps wishes come true.

After a long day of walking we made our way back to the ferry, which dropped us at the BTS just in time for rush hour- there's nothing like being sardined between multiple thais after a long day in the Bangkok heat.

But we weren't done yet. No siree. No time for jet lag here. This was already our second day in Bangkok. We needed to pack in as much as humanly possible because we only had eight days left. So we headed to dinner with my Thai Teacher, June and my Nanny, P'Nun. June and P'Nun advised us regarding what to order. We had a thai family style meal, complete with durian ice cream and sticky rice for dessert. How did we know when to ask for the check bin ka? Simple. When Stew fell asleep at the table.

But our night was just beginning-- Wednesday nights meant free flow champagne at Ku De Ta. My girlfriends were already there. Going wasn't even a question. Candace's response to my invitation- a look that could kill and a slammed bedroom door. Guess we'd have to save free bubbly for another time.

And this is why farang don't get thai massages

5th July 2016
The first full day in Thailand for the fam-
We started with a hearty breakfast consisting of street food sweet tacos and iced chocolates.

We then visited my school, where my family got to meet my nanny, P'Nun, the woman who has been calling me her daughter and taking care of me for the past 6 months. She told my mother that she looked very young and told my father that he looked old. What a lady :)

After exploring the neighborhood I lived in, we did the most Thai thing possible and got massages. One may think this is exorbitant, but in Thailand massage parlors are as common as gas stations in America--- there are 6 to choose from on my street alone. Normally I get a one hour full body oil massage (which costs the equivalent of 10USD including tip). Mom and Candace didn't want to do oil, so they opted for back, neck and head massages. I decided to try something new and join them. Firstly, they had us strip down and put on these gargantuan pink jumpsuits, then they instructed us to lie face down on our mattresses on the floor. After about 15 minutes of rubbing, I started to hear strange noises coming from the curtained section across from mine. Please tell me there wasn't a happy endings massage taking place within earshot of me and my family. I listened more intently. The noises became louder and were followed by stifled laughter. I realized the noises were coming from my mother "ouch. ughhh. ahhh. my body does not move like that!" insert [laughter from my sister, mother and the massouse] I kept listening and couldn't help but burst out laughing. My laughter came out in small grunts as I was trying to hide it from the massouse. That was all it took for the small thai woman kneading my back to open my curtain and have me face my mother and sister. I was horrified. Because my mother and sister asked not to have their heads massaged, the ladies were giving them traditional thai massages to pass the hour. My sister's massouse was about 30 seconds ahead of my mother, so I watched as my sister's arms and legs were pulled into the air and she was rocked back and forth like a toy horse. Oh no. The same was coming for my mother in mere seconds. Sure enough, the woman yanked my mom's arms behind her back (this move alone was enough to produce a look of horror on my mother's face) and then proceeded to try to fold my mother's legs up behind her and put her feet in her hands. The woman's plan was to step on the back of my mother's calves and rock her. I heard gasps and wheezing and my poor mom saying "I am too old for this" At this point, my mother, my sister and I were laughing uncontrollably with tears streaming down our cheeks; my mother's massouse pretended to be oblivious. Meanwhile the small thai women massaging my sister and I had begun laughing and speaking hurriedly to one another in thai, most likely egging on the one contorting my mom's body. Between gasps and laughter I tried to choke out "mai aow ka" "mai aow ka" (don't like! don't like) as I pointed to my mother. Again, the massouse pretended to be oblivious. This was the most entertainment the thai women had had in days, probably even months, and they were taking full advantage. Next they sat my mother up and tried to turn her torso so that her stomach was where her back had been. "ahhh, ahhh, ahhhh. owwww" my mom choked out as she was then jerked to the opposite side. After a few more acrobatic movements and a chorus of laughter, our massages were over and we were left to ourselves in our big pink jumpsuits. My father emerged relaxed and rejuvenated while his three girls emerged dissheveled with mascara running down their faces. My mother announced that she would never again be getting a massage in Thailand, while my father announced that he would be getting one every single day for the rest of the trip. Guess we should have stuck to what we knew and all gotten oil massages.

Getting massages was quite a trying experience (to say the least), so I decided to take everyone for lunch at Broccoli Revolution, a clean eating vegetarian joint that served thai as well as western dishes. After being in Thailand 6 months, I realized that eating noodles prepared in a vat on the street is something one has to work up to, and this was not the day for my family to work up to it. However, it was 3pm during rainy season, which meant a torrential downpour was just minutes from taking place. I instructed everyone to pull out their ponchos as we crowded onto the BTS skytrain. Sure enough, our 10 minute walk to Broccoli Revolution was anything but dry, but we were ready! Take that, Bangkok!

After eating, everyone was ready for naps, we so headed back to the condo. Mom and dad were out for the rest of the evening, so after the rain stopped Candace and I headed to Terminal 21 to experience the famous thai food court. The food court is so well known because it combines street food quality and prices with proper tables and A/C- something any thai will tell you is a luxury. Candace had chicken with fish flavored rice--- fish sauce is a staple in thailand (one she nor I particularly care for)-- and then topped it off with coconut ice cream (something she and I both care for!)

What a great first day in Bangkok, Thailand!