one and done, paddle boards are not for everyone

Jul 9, 2017

This morning Tash and I got up at 6am to wish Chelsea goodbye. We then hurriedly went back to bed. This was the first morning of the whole trip that we'd gotten to "sleep in". We checked out of our three bed and took a taxi to Flutterby, the hostel we had spent some time at the day before. Tash and I booked a two bed cabin and then indulged in Sunday brunch. 

After, we headed out for our paddle board tour. Tash and I thought we had enough time to make it to our meeting spot but ended up being rerouted through the Uvita National Park which added a considerable amount of time to our trek. We both had bags and were huffing and puffing through the wet sand and blazing sun. Did I mention Tash had had a bloody mary at breakfast and I hadn't? She was way more relaxed about this situation than I was. She's three times my height yet I was yards ahead of her. I had to keep turning back and urging her forward. #littlepeopleproblems
I was so incredibly worried that we were going to miss our tour that by the time we got there we were in shambles. And to make matters worse, when we showed up at the hut, no one was there. Greatttt. Now what? All that running for nothing? Slowly but surely a little man, Tico, came 'round the corner. He explained that our "group" was having lunch and that it would be a little while before we left, but we were free to wait in the restaurant. While Tash shot me daggers-- guess we didn't need to speedwalk 35 minutes--, we cooled off under the fans at the bar. Not enough however, because we still both had to peel ourselves out of the leather chairs when it was finally time to go.
I should have picked up on the foreshadowing, because I could never in my wildest dreams imagine what the rest of the day had in store for us.
Tash and I were grouped together with 13 teenage girls. As we left the restaurant, we watched the girls get on an air conditioned bus while Tash and I crawled in the back of the pickup hutch that stored the paddle boards with the four guides from the tour company.
We drove a little over half an hour to a secluded area and unloaded the boards. The girls then arrived and we all got in the water and onto our boards. The tour started off beautifully-- the water was calm and the mangrove trees were on all sides of us. We entered a clearing and it looked like open water for miles. We paddled alongside it and then found ourselves winding back into the mangroves. However, because we visited during rainy season, the water levels were extremely high. We had to sit, and in some areas lay on our boards to get under the low hanging trees. We had to put our paddles across our laps and just try to float through. The girls were having a hell of a time with this and up ahead all I kept hearing was shrieking and crying-- we were floating in a line one by one and could only see the person directly in front of us because of all of the twisting and turning. It came through the grapevine though that someone had fallen off her board. How? How was it even possible that she had fallen off while we were in a sitting position? All I knew was that now we were stopped because she was crying and didn't want to keep going. Tash and I exchanged looks but what could we do? So we sat back relaxed and reveled in the shrieks. We got up and moving again and after a relatively long stint through the trees the water opened up a bit again. This time however, we were in a much smaller area. I was doing quite well with my paddle and felt like I had a handle on the manuevering of the board, when all of a sudden the teen queens' bus driver came barreling toward me. He was throwing his arms up and exclaiming "I can't stop! I can't stop!" He stepped backward on his board which sent the nose of it straight into mine. I wobbled from foot to foot waving both arms awkwardly as I tried to regain my balance while my board shot backward. Luckily for me there was a large tree branch behind me that my board caught on. The jerk sent me stepping back but only for a second and by some grace of god I managed to stay on my board. The bus driver however, was not nearly as graceful and ended up diving forward as he fell- sort of a last ditch effort if you will. He grabbed my hand but faltered and fell straight into the water. I again, somehow, by the grace of god, managed to stay on my board. Now though, I was stuck in the tree branches and had to get one of the guides to come help me out. Luckily though, I was deemed worthy of help. The guides took one look at the poor shmuck driving the bus and put him straight in their canoe- he had lost his paddle privileges for the day. But onward we went and soon we were stuck in quite the predicament. There were downed trees across our path so each of us, in a single file line, had to get off of our boards and into the water, undo our leg strap, pass the board over the branches, crawl over the branches, sit back on our board and reattach our leg strap. Our guides had to get everyone over, so while this took place the group of us who had already gone were waiting in the still water ahead. The only problem? We were soaked and sitting in a swamp and it was feeding time for the mosquitoes. They were everywhere. And there was no swatting them. After making it a bit farther down the swamp our guide realized that our path was blocked yet again but this time in a much worse way. HhMm.. what now? Where were we going to go? Back the way we came, that's where! Our guide had us all backtrack so now what was supposed to be a 3 hour leisurely paddle through the mangroves was turning into a 6 hour haul from hell. Not only was it starting to get dark, but we could see off in the distance that a storm was coming. My energy was completely drained. I was paddling and paddling and paddling some more but my board wasn't even moving. I was drifting further and further behind so I tried laying on my board and paddling with my hands- no use. I tried sitting and paddling with my paddle- yet again, no use. I literally couldn't move myself ahead, even though I was paddling with all of my might. Tash and one of our guides found this rather humorous, so floated along next to me as I struggled to keep up. Finally, laboriously, after what felt like an eternity, the shore was in sight. I was so happy I leapt from my board to land. My arms and legs were exhausted and I couldn't wait to get going... going to the bathroom that was. After six hours of activity my little self needed to use the toilet, and now. However, instead of using a toilet, I watched the teen queens get on their air conditioned bus and drive away, leaving Tash and I with our four guides, the pickup hatch and a million paddle boards. The guys had to load up the truck before we could head out. Then, we still had a half hour drive back to the meeting point. So, now, not only did I have bug bites all over my back, arms and legs, but I had them on my ass as well. #whenmothernaturecalls
Boy was I ready to get in that truck. We made it in the back just in time for it to start pouring rain. The windows fogged up and the sweaty men, Tash and myself all crowded in. Finally, we were on the road. We convinced the guys to drop us at our hostel instead of at the meeting point. #onewinfortheday

I pulled some leftovers out of the fridge in our hostel kitchen and slumped over one of the tables while shoveling them into my mouth. Imagine my surprise when one of the guys working the desk at the hostel came over to tell me that I had a phone call. That's right. a call. for me. on the hostel phone. what in the?
It was Tico. He felt so badly about what had happened that he offered Tash and I free surfing lessons for the next morning. As exhausted as we were, since our surf sesh with Chelsea had been a bust, we decided to go for it. Which meant there was no other option that night except going straight to bed. Woof. What. A. Day.

Welcome to Uvita, Costa Rica

Jul 8, 2017

This morning we got up and took the craziest pirate taxi ride ever to Uvita, Costa Rica. There were MULTIPLE close encounters. There was no A/C so we kept the windows down, which gave me an even clearer picture of our impending doom. Maybe this type of driving is just a thing in Costa Rica? To make matters even worse, our driver was from Italy so on top of being a bad driver, he didn't have the slightest idea where he was going. How an italian man became a taxi driver in Manuel Antonio, Costa Rica is beyond me. #That'sALongJourneyForAPirate

 We finally made it to our hotel, sweating bullets and saying hail marys. We were staying in an adorable little room complete with a kitchen (although we didn't use it, not even once!)  The women working there spoke no english. And I mean none. Not even a little bit. So, the three of us girls tried to walk to beach on our own. 3 minutes into our walk, we encountered a woman who stopped us and asked if we were headed to the beach. We said yes and she just shook her head. The path we were taking wouldn't lead us anywhere near the beach. She informed us we would have to take a taxi to get there. Much to our aversion- hadn't we been in a car for long enough today? - we agreed and hopped in a taxi. We were trying to make it to see the whales tail, which is only visible during certain times of the day, dependent upon the tides. The woman, who was also american, gave us her hostel card and told us to stop by later if we wanted to grab a meal or socialize. Unfortunately, we were too late for the whales tail, but that didn't stop us from getting an amazing view of the beach. The beach wrapped around a jungle and led out into the ocean. It was vast and gorgeous and absolutely amazing to be able to see all three landscapes at once.

After an amazing morning spent at the beach, we decided to check out the hostel the woman we'd met earlier had recommended to us. The walk in the sun was long and hot. Really hot. It took us over forty minutes to get there. However, when we got there, it was all worth it. We had this amazingly delicious organic lunch. I had a fantastic fruit smoothie, complete with a metal straw which numbed my lips and kept my drink cold even in the hot sun. The entire place was eco friendly, complete with compost bins, fan only bunks and cabins, cold water showers and toilets that were hooked in a loop so the waste flushed down them was recycled to generate the electricity that powered the stoves in the kitchen. 

The staff there suggested we taxi to a beautiful waterfall (actually they suggested we hike, but ain't nobody got time for that!). Once we got there, we walked on the rocks and enjoyed the nice cool, water. We jumped in and then scaled the rock wall to jump off from the top. The three of us relaxed for a long time and enjoyed watching other swimmers jump and slide down the rock wall.

We headed back to the hostel for dinner and beer buckets. We met a lot of really great people while hanging out and decided that we're going to stay there tomorrow night. The town of Uvita has a really great, chill vibe.

Beach Animals are the Best Animals

July 7, 2017

Today we were up at 7am to get ready to head to Manuel Antonio National Park. We checked out of hotel Villa Prats and went for breakfast at our favorite joint with the cute old man who calls us queens and gives us fresh fruit, a pancake, eggs, rice and beans, bread and coffee for 2500 colones.

After a hearty breakfast, we headed to Manuel Antonio national park. We spent about 4 hours at the park-- there were viewpoints, beaches and jungle to walk through. On our first path we encountered a falling tree-- it was really scary because it cracked (unprovoked) and fell right across the trail. It was so loud!

We kept walking and were able to see monkeys, iguanas, birds and butterflies. We headed to a viewpoint that overlooked the ocean. We went to the beach and the tide came up so, so fast and threatened to wash away all of our things. I did some swimming because the water was so nice. On our way back we encountered a baby sloth within arms reach-- usually they're up really high in the treetops. We got to see it sleeping and then transition to awake and start climbing the tree. It was one of the most awe inspiring things I've ever seen. It was also amazing to scan the bystanders and see that everyone was quietly watching and seemingly feeling the same way.

We did one more viewpoint which had way, way too many stairs for my taste. At this point, nothing was able to top that sloth.

We headed to the beach for lunch and 2 for 1 drinks--- when will that not be a thing, seriously? And then laid on the beach with some beer for a few hours.

After, we headed to our new hostel, complete with a beautiful balcony. I sat out there for most of the night just taking in the cool air and enjoying the view. What a lovely day!

Pirate Taxis > Party Nights

Jul 6, 2017

Today we spent the day on the beach in Manuel Antonio. We started with a great breakfast (very cheap with tons of food).

We then went looking for a new hostel. We are in a prime location (a hop skip and a jump from the beach) so we didn't want to go far (the girls wanted to be more social...) We found a place for the 7th so booked one more day at hotel Villa Prats.
We went to the beach and rented a surf board. The goal was for Chelsea to teach Tash and I since she lived in Hawaii and California for part of her life . She started on the waves alone and was out there for about an hour. She then took Tash out but the waves got too big so Tash had to stop which meant I didn't get to try. #fail. Hopefully we get to go out another day!

Our day at the beach wasn't ruined however. We rented chairs and enjoyed the sunshine. The views here were absolutely incredible!

After laying out we wandered along the road side of the beach and found a spot for lunch. We then stopped for drinks at a little bar near there. The bar advertised happy hour 2 for 1 drinks, so we ordered-- little did we know they would bring each of us 2 drinks right then! We asked if we could wait for our second until after we finished our first but the bartender had very strict rules. #ChugLife

After our midday happy hour, we headed home to shower before heading to the town of Quepos,  which was recommended to us by one of the locals on the beach. We hopped on the public bus in the pouring rain- cue Jaclyn in her bright pink poncho. We got there and it was absolutely dead. Most all of the shops were closed. We had to wander to even find an open restaurant. Luckily we found one and I got to try ceviche for the first time. Mmm Mmm delicious!

After dinner we searched out the club that was recommended to us but found that it didn't open until 10pm--- WHAT?! We were way too old for this shit! There was a literal padlock on the door, so we knew that these bouncers wouldn't be budging. Although we didn't embrace the party life, we did tap into our adventurous sides and instead of taking a sanctioned taxi home, took a pirate one. Wooo! Home and in bed by 10pm is the life for us!

Ridin Dirty

July 5, 2017

We got up early and had breakfast at "the corner" one last time. We were then picked up and taken to a trail to horseback ride, again, near the base of the volcano. My horse's name was Nano.

We trotted for about 45 minutes, corraled our horses, walked down 600 steps, crossed a suspension bridge, waded through a basin and climbed some slippery boulders to get to La Fortuna, the MOST BEAUTIFUL WATERFALL I've ever seen. It was massive! There was this immense, neverending rush of water plunging down the rocks which created an incredibly forceful splash pool at the bottom.

When you were standing out of the water, looking on, you could feel a light mist from the fall. The mist splashing my face no matter where I stood was something I've never experienced at any other waterfall. Cooling off in the water was lovely! I even climbed up some rocks along the peripheral of the fall because there was a smaller, moss covered wall of cascading water that was absolutely picturesque.

Before long it was time to climb back over the slippery boulders, wade through the basin, cross the suspension bridge and walk UP 600 steps. Woof. At the top they had fresh delicious pineapple for us.

We hopped on our horses and headed to a maleku village so we could see what the indigenous people of Costa Rica (malekus) lived like long ago. They built very, very high roofed houses because they kept fire burning in their homes at all times to keep the bugs away. We were given an incredibly sour traditional drink which we sipped on while they spoke about the different personality types of the maleku people and the masks they create to represent each one.

After, we rode our horses back to the main camp. While riding, I made a few observations/came to some conclusions.
1. Helmets are reduced to merely a poor fashion statement (at best!) when they are not fitted properly and are sliding backwards while bouncing against your head in time with your horse's hooves.
2. Rocky, uneven terrain that is not wide enough for six horses to trot on side by side, when all they want to do is trot side by side, is not ideal. It leads to survival of the fittest, squeeze 'em out edition.
3. Horses that have beef with one another should not be excursioning with one another. Horses that choose to settle their beef with one another while riders are on their backs should not be excursioning at all.
4. Horses that cannot decide whether it is appropriate to walk, trot, canter or gallop, and instead just continuously and abruptly change from one form of movement to the next should be allowed to follow the beat of their own drum in a pasture, sans a rider on their back.
5. Joshua gave a great tour, but my bruising in all the wrong places confirms I won't be heading back to this trail anytime soon.

After finishing our excursion, we headed into town to have some lunch. I had a "Typical Costa Rican Dish" as it was called on the menu. It was very delicious. I also drank a passion fruit smoothie that was incredibly fresh!

After lunch we got ready for our 5 hour drive to Manuel Antonio. La Fortuna, you've been fun, but hasta la vista baby!

Five hours later, against all odds, we have somehow made it to Manuel Antonio, a coastal town on the western side of Costa Rica. Our driver, Alex, was CRAZY. I truly believe that his real life job is acting as a stuntman in movies and that this whole driving thing is just a little side job. He was literally beckoning death the entire five hours. It started innocently enough- reading texts, sending texts, scrolling through facebook, scrolling through instagram, scrolling through cat videos, scrolling just to scroll. Seriously though, looking at the road every few minutes wouldn't hurt you, buddy. Then it evolved into scrolling and swerving because he was sleepy, so we rememedied that with a stop for a Red Bull. Atta boy! Now he was scrolling but alert, which I didn't think could be worse than scrolling while swerving but let me tell you, it was! Scrolling, while racing another car, while cutting off a semi, on the side of a mountain, was just one of many daring decisions he made. We stopped at a rest stop to use the toilets and when I came out I saw him sitting at the counter with a meal. Surely he must've ordered the chicken. It has to be his favorite, because the number of times he played that game with a head on driver on the swervy roads was numerous. After dinner, he disappeared for awhile, then came back out to the van REVVED up. His eyes were wide and he kept rubbing his nose while sniffling. That chicken he ate had either been extra spicy or my friend had just gotten a little 'bump' from something other than his Red Bull. Woof. If we had to die, at least the views were pretty, right?!

By the grace of god, we arrived no worse for the wear at Hotel Villa Prats around 8pm. The owner welcomed us and recommended a spot for dinner. We all needed a beer, or two, or three, after that ride.

Zip, Zip and Away

Jul 4, 2017

We got up and had breakfast at "the corner" which is the hostel's next door restaurant. We then were picked up and taken to the base of the volcano for a three and a half hour hike (unfortunately it is illegal to hike to the top of the active volcano, so all activities we did took place at the base). We saw baby snakes, a tarantula (hiding in it's hole), ants carrying leaves, and a beetle with crazy long antennas. Our guide had an amazing eye and pointed out a huge toad (I would've never noticed it due to camouflage) that was sitting up against a tree catching bees on its tongue. Part of our hike took us across two hanging bridges (hundreds of feet up in the canopy), where we were able to touch the heart of palm trees. These trees are incredibly tall, very stable and thick at the base, but gradually thin out as they grow. While walking along the bridges, we were able to push on these trees and watch them sway back and forth. All of a sudden, while at one of the viewpoints, it started pouring rain. We all pulled out our raincoats (ponchos for some of us) and put them on. We then returned to the trail, and although the downpour was heavy, as well as loud, we were shielded by the thick trees of the canopy. It's incredibly strange to know it's raining around you yet stay completely dry. (Our guide must've known this however, because as we all scrambled to get rain gear on, he just walked off of the platform and into the canopy cover. He probably had a good laugh at our expense.)

After our hike we rested at a cute little restaurant with a beautiful view.

Our next activity was ziplining. We got in a tram that took us SUPER high above the canopy. On our way up, the clouds came and the wind picked up. It was so chilly we thought it was going to rain, but thank goodness it held off. Once on the platforms, we were instructed to hold the line and bring our crossed legs upward so that we were in a laying position and could peer down on either side. The lines were incredibly long and extremely high. One of the lines even went through a cover of trees so that you were surrounded above, below and on either side, which was incredibly amazing. The views were breathtaking. I've never seen anything like it.

The lines weren't all fun and games though; we had a serious job to do. On our way in we were supposed to watch for the brake signal. When we saw it, we were supposed to spread our legs wide and slowly yank our pulley attachment side to side which would slow us down. I am so light however that they didn't give me the brake signal (they explained this to me prior to jumping off because they were afraid I wouldn't make it in). On one zipline I slowed so much I was afraid I'd have to pull myself  but luckily one of the guys reached out and got me. On another I was going really fast downhill so I ended up "coming in hot" as the Costa Rican man said with a chuckle. Thank God for the huge pads at the end of the platforms- if all else failed, those caught you like only a brick wall could. Seriously though, I watched one of the bigger guys who had a lot of momentum forget to brake and slam hard right into the pad. If it had been a girl coming in hot and spread eagle I don't think they would've let her hit that pad. Who can really know though, right ;)

 After, we went to an outdoor restaurant with full chickens on the spit. The three of us obviously had to have one. It was delicious! It even came with banana salad (pico de gallo with bananas) We headed back to our hostel exhausted and ready to move on to Manuel Antonio the next day.