The Poorest of Plans Lead to the Best of Adventures... Or Something Like That

Tuesday 12 Jul 2016

Up and at 'em nice and early. Today we were heading to Chiang Rai, a mountain province even farther north than Chiang Mai. Our AirBnB host Charles offered to drop us at the bus station, so we accepted. Damn, was it crowded. I left the bags with mom, dad and Candace and headed in to purchase tickets. I got up to the counter and requested 4 tickets for the bus leaving thirty minutes from now. The woman just stared at me. There weren't any available tickets until 2pm. 2pm? What? How could that be possible? Traveling in Thailand is great because it's so easy. Because it's so cheap and because it's so spur of the moment. You don't have to plan ahead. Or at least that's how I had traveled up until this point. She had to be joking. Was today some thai holiday I hadn't been aware of? Otherwise, why, why would I not be able to get bus tickets?
Ok. New plan. We head to Baan Kuhn 2 Hostel and ask my friend New to help us book a van or car. Flag down a songthaew. Load our bags. Ride to Baan Kuhn. Unload our bags. Head in to see New. There was just one problem. New wasn't there. New was off on Tuesdays (Since when was New ever off?! When I was staying at Baan Kuhn she was sleeping on the floor in the lobby because she never had time off!) And who, who was this random man working reception who didn't know me? And didn't possess even a flicker of a desire to help me out? My family waited outside. in the sun. in the heat. with all of our bags. I couldn't admit defeat yet again. This young thai receptionist had to help me. He had to. I poked. I prodded. I pleaded. Nope. Nada. Nothin.
Ok. New plan. Back to the bus station to buy bus tickets. Flag down a songthaew. Load our bags. Ride to the bus station. Unload our bags. Head in to buy bus tickets. There was just one problem. Now, there weren't any available tickets until 4pm. 4pm? What? How could that be possible? I couldn't admit defeat yet again. I walked out of the bus station straight into a songthaew driver. Where was I trying to go? Chiang Rai. When did I want to go? Now. How many of us were there? Four. Ok. He would take us. We just needed to wait for him to get his car. His car? His car? He had a car and he was offering to take us to Chiang Rai? Today? Right Now? All four of us? It couldn't be possible. And he wanted how much? That's it? Literal pennies! Ok. Yes. Yes we accept.
I was feeling pretty damn good about my little negotiation when our driver pulled up to get us. in his songthaew.
WHAT?
His "car" was a songthaew. We'd be taking a songthaew two hours, through the mountains, to Chiang Rai. Ok. We could do this. We could definitely sit in the back of a pickup for two hours. And the mountains, they had to be beautiful, right? And the breeze, it would be nicer than A/C on a bus, right? Sure. This was shaping up to be a pretty great idea.
I called our host in Chiang Rai to let him know our new travel plan and anticipated arrival time. "What kind of beer do you like?" was his response. "Tiger. why?" I was confused. "You're gonna need it. A hell of a lot of it actually, after a ride like that." Hmmph. What a downer. He didn't know the McCutcheon's. We could rough it with the best of 'em. And this, this wasn't even roughing it. This was going to be fun.

Fast forward two hours. Stew is horribly songthaew sick and hanging his head out the window. Mom has a headache and is lecturing Candace about why she shouldn't sit backwards and lean on the frame of the songthaew while I focus simultaneously on not pissing myself and spilling the remnants of the XL fountain pop I'd been sucking down. Yeah, we could do this alright. We could rough it with the best of 'em. We just wouldn't be doing it again. Ever. That's for sure.

We reached our hosts, feeling hot, tired and hungry. They wasted no time in giving us the grand tour and setting the expectation that we would be back downstairs again in 15 minutes. 15 minutes! 15 minutes! that's it? you've got to be kidding me. we just drove 2 hours in the back of a songthaew and you want us to be chipper and mingle ready in 15 minutes? Ok. We're gonna need that Tiger.
Our host wasn't kidding; the Tiger went down easy, clearly a bit too easy for the McCutcheon's, because after only an hour of drinking, Stew and our host had to head to Sev to replenish the cooler of Tiger we'd already burned through. #chiangraiaintgotnothinonthechi

After consuming our fair share of brews, we settled in for a cooking class, taught by our host's wife, Fern. She's a native thai who grew up in the Chiang Rai region. She taught us to make many dishes including curry, pineapple fried rice, papaya salad, fish and mango sticky rice. We cooked for what felt like hours and then indulged late into the evening. By the end we were so full that we were barely able to eat our portions of dessert.

The best part of the night however, was yet to come. Candace and I headed to bed, exhausted by the day's events. Just before turning out the light, Candace saw a bug scurry by the bed. Alarmed, she jumped up and exclaimed that she would not be sleeping, nor would she be turning out the light until I found and killed this bug. Just looking under the bed and dresser did not suffice. I had to move lamps, drag bed tables and raise the curtains before I was able to locate this bug. After slamming it with a shoe I was excited to finally get some sleep. Before I was even able to let out a yawn, Candace spotted another insect, this time, flying near the drapes. She let out a high pitch screech and went flailing into mom and dad's room. My 23 year old sister exclaimed that she would not be sleeping, nor would she be allowing any lights to be turned off. #highmaintenancemuch?

Oh My Buddha: Chiang Mai Street Food Edition

Mon 11 Jul 2016

After a fun filled day with the elephants we decided to spend our last evening in Chiang Mai on an organized street food tour. We met our guide on the main drag near the mote. Our guide, who originally came from a mountain town near the border of Myanmar, moved to Chiang Mai to work as a guide in 2014. He was able to speak the tribal language of his village, thai and english. He shared stories about his life in the village- members from his community had to climb down the mountain and make long treks into town to purchase delicacies like meat, so most of the time, villagers just ate a diet consisting of rice and tofu. They had no electricity or running water in his village and the winters were very cold. His experiences growing up had been very, very different from ours. We talked with our guide about growing up in the states. He couldn't believe some of our experiences, and before long took to the phrase, "oh my buddha" when something shocked him. It became the tag line for the evening and after a little while, all of us were "oh my buddha"-ing it.

Part of the tour was learning to order the dishes we were eating in thai. Mom, Dad, Candace and I each got a turn. Our first meal consisted of steamed rice in small wicker containers. Each of us got our own container and then we shared the communal plate of meat and vegetables. It was delicious. Dad was so excited to have white rice that he filled up on not one, but two containers. He must've forgotten that we were scheduled to eat for the next two hours straight.

At our next stall we ordered fried frog, which, you guessed it, came with white rice. Dad skipped the frog and instead indulged in another heaping portion of rice.

Our next stop was the cowboy hat lady, a famous street food cooker known for her tender meats and great style. Since we had already eaten from her earlier in the week, our guide decided to order meat from her and her brother (who had a stall next door) and let us compare the two side by side. Again, our dishes came with rice. By now, Stew was starting to get the trend and was realizing he wasn't going to be able to keep eating at this rate.

Our guide decided we needed a change of pace, so we moved on to dessert. Durian sticky rice with ginger tea. Durian is the fruit that is banned from all public transport routes, hotels and stores because of its stench-- it smells exactly like a sewer. Thais swear by it. Maybe mixing it with, you guessed it, rice, and condensed milk would make it more tolerable? We were given cups of ginger tea to wash it down. When I lifted my cup I noticed it was only a quarter full. After taking a big swig, I knew why. Damn, that was potent. Stew's face before and after pretty much says it all.

Next came dessert cups consisting of small jelly pods with different toppings. I didn't love the consistency, but the taste wasn't bad.

We were almost too full to function but our tour wasn't over yet. We hopped in the car with our guide and he drove us to a different part of town. We walked down a street without any tourists that was filled with stall after stall of thai food. Our guide warned us that farang shouldn't consume most of these foods because they are left out on the grills all day long and can make us sick since we're not used to that kind of cooking. He then asked us if we wanted to try anything.... ummm no thanks, i'd prefer not to get sick thank you very much.

He was incredibly excited to bring us by a liquor stall, which consisted of a folding table, shot glasses and multiple bottles of unmarked spirits. Thai whiskey is a local staple, so in order to complete our food tour, we had to try some. Candace, dad and I took shots and damn were they bad. It's a toss up as to whether dad's face was worse after the ginger tea or thai whiskey, but one thing's for certain: Stew wasn't going to be accepting any more liquids on this street food tour.

Last but not least we stopped at a dessert stall that sold miniature dough puffs with different fillings. They were hot and greasy, and filled with things like corn and carrots, but they sure were tasty.

We ended our tour with incredibly full bellies and a newfound appreciation for the thai street food culture.

Pumped about Pachyderms

Mon 11 Jul 2016

Today was the big day! The day my family had been waiting for since arriving in Thailand. This was the day that we were going to see the elephants. We got picked up about 6:30am; Candace and dad squeezed in the back of the pickup while mom and I sat in the cab with our driver. Our guide had been out the night before watching a soccer match so mom and I were convinced he was a little worse for the wear. Why might we think this? The empty beer can in the center console screamed 'hair of the dog', but what really confirmed our suspicions took place when we stopped at a gas station for a "15 minute break"- he indulged in a greasy meal and a quick nap before continuing with us up the mountain.  How did mom and I help this poor young thai deal with his hangover? Simple. We cranked up the volume on the radio and encouraged him to belt out the lyrics with us as he drove. It's no wonder mom and I rode in the back of the pickup on the way home.

When we got to the elephant jungle sanctuary we were given traditional clothing to change into, along with a quick elephant pep talk. We were then invited to a small feeding area where the elephants gather for banana and bamboo snacks. Once all of us were in the area, the elephants were led down the mountain to meet us. It was a bit intimidating because the space was small, the crowd was large and the elephants were huge, but eventually each one of the McCutcheon's was able to pet and feed one of these big beauties.

One of the funniest moments took place while Reg was attempting to take a photo with the baby; before the flash could even go off she found herself surrounded by elephants on all sides. They were quickly closing in and she was going to be stuck in the middle. We've never seen Reg move so fast in her life.

Stew found himself in an equally precarious situation when he tried to feed the large, tusked male elephant. As he lifted his arm and called "bon" the elephant stepped directly into his path. Stew had to quickly crouch and throw the banana into the pachyderm's mouth so that he wasn't impaled head on by a tusk. Maybe that's why we were instructed only to put bananas in the trunks of these tusked creatures, not directly into their mouths.

Although there were some close calls, all four of the McCutcheon's survived the first phase of the elephant visit. Next, we would be heading to the mud hole to play. The walk to the hole was incredibly slippery and more than once I thought I was going down. Candace and I pushed along in front while mom and dad took turns holding one another up in the back. Finally, we reached the mud pit. What did they want us to do? Get in. Come on. Wade into this thick, sticky brown goop filled with elephant dung. No? You don't want to? You're hesitant. Don't be hesitant, because next thing you know, you'll be ducking from flying elephant dung. The motto of the guides: get in and get dirty on your own terms, or stay out and get dirty on theirs. Before long all four of us were in the dirt, laying with the elephants and slinging mud pies at one another (yes, even my mother was taking part. Way to go, Reg!).

There can be only so much poop play before one starts to question their life choices, so off to the water hole for baths we went. The elephants absolutely loved the water, and although it was cold, it was a great way to rid ourselves of the mud hole remnants. We took small bowls, filled them with water and poured it over the elephant's course skin. Our guides liked soaking us more than the elephants, so by the end it had turned into a pretty epic waterfight.

After exhausting ourselves and the elephants, we headed back to camp for a traditional thai lunch.

Our elephant experience was absolutely amazing. We loved having the opportunity to interact with these beautiful, gentle creatures and would do so again in a heartbeat (mud hole and all!).